Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Watched it. Consecutively. Because Michael Bay is such a cinematic genius and I just love seeing slow-motion sequences of a running Megan Fox, witty sexual innuendos from Shia LaBeouf, clashing scrap metal and EXPLOSHUNZ and even more EXPLOSHUNZ.
… No really, I watched it consecutively since someone had recorded them on the PVR. I remember being amused by the first one. No joke, I enjoyed Transformers the first time around. I have no reasoning for this but actually seeing it again… I don’t remember what was so entertaining. I’m really drawing blanks on this one (that’s what she said). I guess things are really different when you watch them in the theatres than when they’re in a home theatre. Still… I’ll be forever confused as to why I recommended Transformers 1 to friends. I guess my brain just shut down for the entire showing time. I was also somewhat convinced that I was missing out, not having watched the sequel. BAHAHAHA, yeah, missing out.
That said, Transformers 1 was at least better than Transformers 2. I knew exactly what was going on in #2 even after fast-forwarding through 3/4 of the movie when the EXPLOSHUNZ were happening. Of course, they were going to bring back Megatron and of course there’s a second all-spark-ish thing. And of course it was going to EXPLOSHUNZ the Earth. And..well, that was basically the plot, I think. Yes, save the earth from pissed-off robots.
That said, I still can’t figure out who’s a Decepticon and who’s an Autobot. Aaaand why Hot Girl is dating Geek. Aaaaand what the purpose of Even Geekier Roommate was. Aaand how the hell did the parents (who were supposed to be eating escargot in Paris) ended up in the middle of Egypt?!?!? But I guess that’s what I get for fast-forwarding. Oh, AND WHY DID THAT ROBOT HAVE TESTICLES?!?!? AND WHY DID WE HAVE TO SEE JOHN TURTURRO NAKED???!?!?!?!?!
I am traumatized by John Turturro’s almost bare ass only being concealed behind a thong imprinted with S7. When I think S7, I don’t think Sector 7, I think S CLUB 7, the popstars of my childhood. And now, when I think John Turturro, despite thinking he’s a good actor, I will always have that scene in my mind. Always.
But anyways, what was I expecting from Michael Bay? A story? Pfffft. Acting..? Pffft.
I don’t like the movie critic above because he only reviews blockbusters and video game movies and expects them all to be holy-shit-awesome but I did think this review was more entertaining than the movie so.. ya.
Is it too much to ask that movies be… just better? A nicer selection would be greatly appreciated, you know. Better bang for my buck that isn’t necessarily literal bangs and EXPLOSHUNZ. It kinda sucks when months go by and the only choices are Stoner Flick, Thriller Without the Thrill, Dance Movie and Misogynistic Romantic Comedy. I only remember one movie from last year and that was the amazingly original District 9. Oh, and I guess I that movie with the tall, blue, cat-looking aliens, technically came out last year, too.
And one last thing. I realize that my brain really does turn off when I watch movies like this. Really! When they went to the some place (I don’t even know anymore) to wake up an ancient transformer, there was a scene when the camera zooms into the Decepticon marking on the transformer for a while and I really had no idea what I was looking at. Like, none. It was at that moment that I realized I was actually being asked to put two and two together in a Michael Bay movie. The next thing that happened was Megan Fox shouting “Oh no, he’s a Decepticon!!!” and there was noise and running and stuff and I couldn’t figure out why this was all happening. I was thinking: Is that bad? So what if he’s a Decepticon? *KABOOOOM* Oh, right. Those are the bad guys..
It was such a bizarre experience and I don’t think things like yoga and deep meditation can ever have such a mind-emptying impact on me as the transformers movies. Wow…maybe that’s the reason to like these movies. They stop you from thinking. That makes sense.